Category Archives: Personal Development

Personal Development

Civility At Work: 20 Ways to Build a Kinder Workplace

by Tom Terez

It’s not always easy being nice. There are deadlines to meet, conflicts to settle, resources to share, promotions to go for — all of which can pit people against each other. What to do? Here are 20 practical ideas. If you believe that workplaces work better when people get along, scan this list and start living it.

1. Say what you mean and mean what you say. There’s no substitute for authentic communication.

2. Be less inclined to give advice — and more inclined to seek it.

3. Resist the urge to jump to conclusions about people and their motives. Go to the source, get the facts, and then decide.

4. Identify the biggest redeeming quality of that person who’s always driving you crazy. Keep it in mind the next time the two of you interact.

5. When greeting a colleague, skip the mindless “How are you?” Ask a question that shows genuine interest.

6. Go out of your way to say thank you. Sincere appreciation is powerful stuff — it’s feedback, recognition, and respect all wrapped in one.

7. If you’re overdue in showing gratitude, make up for lost time. Contact everyone who’s owed thanks from you and let them know how much you appreciate their help.

8. When credit and compliments come your way, spread them around to all who helped. And if you think you’re solely responsible for that honoured achievement, think again.

9. Promise only what you can deliver. If what you deliver falls short, explain why.

10. When things go wrong, resist the urge to assign blame. It’s the system that usually fails, so fix the system, not the people.

11. Widen your social circle. If you always go to lunch with the same group, invite someone new.

12. Give a gift for no reason. If you work with nature lovers, order some plants or flowers. If the group has a chronic sweet tooth, get some sweet dishes and keep them full.

13. When a rumour reaches your ear, let it go out the other.

14. Step down from the treadmill of daily tasks and have an inefficient chat with a colleague. If it’s someone you rarely engage in conversation, all the better.

15. Show interest in someone else’s interests. You may not be dying to hear about Pat’s passion for stamp collecting, but Pat will be thrilled you asked.

16. When you take a stand and later realize it’s the wrong stand, be honest enough to say so.

17. Involve more people in weighing options and making decisions. There’s incredible brainpower all around you, so why not put it to work?

18. If you tend to send e-mails to colleagues who are an easy walk away, give the computer a rest. Get up, walk over, and talk to them.

19. Try going an entire day without making judgments about people. Good luck — it’s tough!

20. Don’t wait for kindness to come your way. Gandhi had it right: We must be the change we wish to see in the world.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tom Terez is a speaker, workshop leader, and author of 22 Keys to Creating a Meaningful Workplace. His Web site, http://BetterWorkplaceNow.com, is filled with tools for building a great work environment. Write to Tom@BetterWorkplaceNow.com or call 614-571-9529.

Copyright 2002 by Tom Terez Workplace Solutions Inc.

Personal Development

3 Steps to Help Adjust to Lifestyle Change

You come into the office after a great weekend and the boss tells you that your job is redundant due to down-sizing. Perhaps things are going well at work and the company wants you to move across the country to take over the east-coast office. Few things test a positive attitude more than making a lifestyle change.

While making such adjustments, the following suggestions can help:

  1. View change as an opportunity. The more you expect out of a new situation the more you will find. If you can move into a lifestyle transition with a positive attitude, the battle is half-won. The more you sustain your positive focus, the sooner you will move from transition to permanence.
  2. Stop and refocus. Not everything falls exactly in the right place when making major changes: “course corrections” are a necessary part of the process. You need to be able to periodically stop, assess the progress of the change and adjust.
  3. Accept setbacks as temporary. Often, after progress has been made, and you feel things are coming together, you encounter a roadblock. Such a set-back can be discouraging. It’s at times like that you need to keep your attitude at a positive level.

Each of us is free to select our most important personal possession. Some select money or material success; others place highest value on human relationships. Few consider personal attitude to be important.

This is unfortunate as you can accomplish much by starting with a positive attitude. A positive attitude can enhance your career and bring material success; build better human relationships; and bring you closer to reaching your life goals.

A good attitude is a win-win situation.

Personal Development, Simple Life

4 Ideas for Writing a Grief Journal

I read the C.S. Lewis book, A Grief Observed (aff) many years ago. I remember wondering how one could write through their grief. It seemed such a foreign concept to me.

I have been fortunate to have suffered little loss thus far in my life. However, I have come to understand how verbalizing grief can help the healing process.

Here is a short list of prompts to help you write when you experience loss:

Keep writing. Writing may uncover emotions surrounding the event that you didn’t think you were feeling. You may find yourself getting angry or crying as you write. This is natural… allow yourself to feel the emotion. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. While it may not make sense, letting go all of those bottled up emotions helps you through the grieving process.

Examine your emotions. Give yourself time and space. Make a list of everything you feel regarding what happened and then write out, at length, how and why you feel each feeling. Don’t be afraid to go in-depth.

Be creative. Draw or collage your grief. When it’s too hard to write or you feel that words don’t convey the exact thoughts you feel, turn to art. Draw out your emotions… scribble out the anger or tears. Cry on the page. Collage images that show how you feel or the best times you had with the one you lost. I found a few images I had of mo and me and I turned them into a digital remembrance collage of him.

Write unsent letters. Write letters that no one else will see, except for you, the page, and the spirit of who you lost. I know many people who have dealt with their grief this way. They say it’s therapeutic and helps them feel connected to who they lost.

Remember the memories. Write down happy events. Keep a record of who you lost and what they looked like. Keep a list of the things they loved (music, books, movies, chew toys, etc.) and allow yourself to remember the love you had for them.

Personal Development

Give Away Your Positive Attitude

Gurdeep Pandher is an exemplar of positivity. He says, “Joy is more than having fun. Joy means your nerves are calm, your anxieties are elsewhere. Your heart (not just lips) is smiling; your breathing is soothing like a breeze; your world is perfect in the mess of imperfections around you. Joy could be an ideal meditation. If all emotions are valuable, then even tears of joy can make us get up and dance. One thing more about joy; we need it, just like we need food to survive. Go find your joy! Start by searching within yourself or going out in nature.”

We create what we think about. A positive attitude helps us focus on achieving our goals, rather than wallowing in disappointment about things that have not gone exactly to plan. Focusing on the positive provides more energy, motivation, and commitment.

One of the best ways to build a positive attitude is to share it with someone else. Here are some uncomplicated ways to give your positive attitude away.

  1. Share my knowledge with others.
  2. Help others in their growth.
  3. Visit friends who are having trouble with their attitudes.
  4. Notice the good in others.
  5. Be more positive around those with whom I have daily contact.
  6. Transmit my positive attitude to others whenever I use the telephone.
  7. Send token items such as cards or flowers to those I care about.
  8. Say thank you to someone who did something nice for me.
  9. Share my sense of humor.
  10. Be more sensitive as a listener so others can regain their positive focus.
  11. Laugh more so my attitude will be infectious.
  12. Communicate my positive attitude through upbeat conversations, paying compliments to others, etc.
  13. Giving my attitude to others by setting a better example as a positive person.

As you implement your choices, remind yourself, the more you give your attitude away, the more positive it will remain.

How about it readers, what are some other ways to share your positive attitude with others?

Personal Development

6 Secrets of Stress Management

As the weather begins to warm-up, we’re making our summer vacation plans. The past two years of restrictions and lock-downs put something of a crimp in our usual vacation travel.

Instead of sitting around moaning about our circumstances, we took advantage of the break. We engaged in a few more hobby activities than normal. We tackled a few jobs around the house and went out for more nieghbourhood walks than usual.

This year we have plans. We’re looking forward to visiting family and getting our camping in our trailer.

Right now, I’m sitting here, enjoying a coffee and taking it easy, I’m thinking about stress. We all have stress; there’s no way to avoid it. In fact, some degree of stress is a good thing. Just as the stress of weights during exercise can help build muscle, so life-stress can build emotional, psychological or mental “muscle”.

Stress becomes a problem when it controls us. If you want to remain balanced, you need to manage the stress in your life.

How do you do that? Here are six secrets of stress management:

  1. Know yourself: If you don’t have a clear sense of who you are and what you stand for, people and circumstances will try to shape you. Trying to be someone or something you are not is stressful.
  2. Set clear goals: Define what you want or need to do. If there’s a big, undefined task looming in your subconscious, you’re going to be stressed about not getting it accomplished. Setting clear goals allows you to see the end and set the steps toward reaching the goal. Just meeting each of the milestones leading to a completed task can go a long way to reducing stress.
  3. Set your priorities: You can’t do everything all at once. You can set your goals and know the steps to reach those goals, but if you don’t know where to begin, you’re going to build stress. Figure out the priorities and you’ll know where to begin.
  4. Set your focus: Once you know where to begin, focus on that task. If you try and focus on more than one thing at a time, all things will suffer.
  5. Delegate: You can’t do it all yourself. You can plan a major project, set all the steps, plan dates for the deliverables and then stress over all that needs doing. Get the team involved. Even Jesus enlisted 12 disciples.
  6. Relax: Take a break. Successful weight-trainers know constant stress on the muscles will soon become counter-productive and even damaging. They know their muscles need to have periods of relaxation to get the best benefit from training. Stress can compound. You need to take breaks to relax and refresh, thereby coming back stronger.

Stress is never eliminated, but it can be managed and controlled. A few simple steps and you can make stress work to your advantage.

Personal Development

5 ways to get the most out of life lessons

Oscar Wilde said, “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes,” and Rita Mae Brown said, “Good judgement comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgement.”

Experience can teach us much if we open ourselves to the lessons it contains. But we must be careful. The results of our bad judgements can create so much fear that we’re unwilling to try and learn new things.

Here are five ways we can take the best advantage of our experiences:

  1. Keep aware of the past – To learn from our experiences, we must be able to recall what we have done. Then they can serve as guides for the future.
  2. Let go of the past – Don’t hang on to the past too tightly. Don’t waste energy wishing for the “good old days” or being afraid to try something new, because of past experiences. Give yourself permission to make mistakes.
  3. Don’t make the same mistake twice – Learn from your bad judgement. If you’re still making the same mistakes five years later, you’re missing the point.
  4. Make the most of each experience – As new experiences come along, don’t spend too much time analyzing. Jump in and get the most from it. Then, if there are lessons to learn, take the time to study.
  5. Live your life to the full – life is not just random moments or individual events. Life is the sum total of all you do and are. Don’t live your life as if it is some sort of checklist where you can’t move to the next experience until the previous one is complete.

I’ll finish with another quotation, this from Henry David Thoreau. “I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life…”

Carpe Diem!