Ian's Messy Desk

1.  If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good.

2.  Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.

3.  For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors that contrast your own.

4.  Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

5.  For guests that say "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings, or a quick nip on the ankles.

6.  Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer doorknob with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is important during very cold weather or mosquito season.

7.  If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.

8.  For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to doze. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

9. For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed the second time, push anything movable off the table (pens, pencils, stamps) one at a time.

10. Get enough sleep during the day.


Technorati Tags: Jokes, Humour

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 09:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the league records were destroyed in a fire, so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

Technorati Tags: Puns, Jokes, Humour

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 08:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Sudoku Craving has been developed to offer a free Sudoku challenge every day. Each day a new Sudoku challange will be randomly generated. You can play the latest challenge or you can browse through existing ones.

Every time you play on Sudoku Craving you notice that your time and attempts are automatically recorded. When you log in you will also notice that this information is used to rank your progress and skill on each of the challenges.

When a registered member finishes a challenge they are asked to rate its difficulty level. The difficulty level of the game is the average rating given by all of the members. This means that real people have rated the difficulty of a game, not a computer!

Registered members can also post comments about challenge once they have finished it. When you are playing you can browse through the comments in an attempt to find hints, tips or pointers.

Link from Steve Rubel

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 09:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the
bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.


Technorati Tags: Humour, Jokes, Fun, English, Language

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If Rube Goldberg had ever thought to cook Ramen noodles, this is likely how it would have worked. Video

Technorati Tags: Rube+Goldberg, Ramen, Cooking, Fun

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Daily Crossword from Merriam-Webster On-line:

Ready for a classic crossword challenge? The Daily Crossword plays like the real deal with enhanced features including the ability to save and print your puzzle. Try it today and come back for a new themed puzzle tomorrow!

Technorati : Crossword, Fun, Games, Puzzles, Words
Del.icio.us : Crossword, Fun, Games, Puzzles, Words

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 11:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If you take a close look at this icon, you'll see it is made from wrappers of sweets - Quality Street! Jonny Baker saw this on the holy table in a church in Birmingham.

HT to Headphonaught

Technorati : Icons Jesus Candy Nestle Art
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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 10:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Google to Organize World's Courtship Information with Google Romance
Service to offer psychographic matchmaking plus free “contextual dating” option

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., April 1, 2006 - Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) today announced the launch of Google Romance™, a new product that offers users both a psychographic matchmaking service and all-expenses-paid dates for couples who agree to experience contextually relevant advertising throughout the course of their evening.

"Our mission, as you might have heard, is to organize the world's information," said Jonathan Rosenberg, Google's senior vice president, product management. "And let's face it: in what area of life is the world's information more disorganized than romance? We thought we could use our search technology to help you find that special someone, then send you on a date and use contextual ads to help you, ya know - close the deal."

Google Romance users who find one another via Soulmate Search™ may then select the Contextual Dating option, which offers an all-expenses-paid romantic evening in exchange for viewing contextually relevant advertising throughout the course of the users' date (learn more). "Our internal projections say Contextual Dating is going to be unbelievably huge, just a total cash cow," said Google CEO Eric Schmidt in prepared remarks placed into the notes section of an executive PowerPoint presentation and intended solely for internal use but promptly leaked onto the web and then roundly mocked on Digg and Slashdot. The product, a beta release currently residing on Google Labs, can be experimented with at www.google.com/romance/.

From: Google Press Center: Press Release

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Don't be fooled by anything tomorrow. Here are the top ten April Fool's pranks from the Museum of Hoaxes' Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time. If you want to know how not to pull a prank, read Top 10 Worst April Fool's Day Hoaxes Ever.

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Do you think that mighty oaks come from tiny "eggcorns" rather than "acorns"? Perhaps you believe you're "floundering" around when really you are "foundering". Or maybe you have problems "honing in" on the pronunciation of certain words and phrases, such as "homing in". The Eggcorn database could be the resource you need. This linguistic resource contains more than five hundred examples of commonly misspelled or misused expressions. You will be able to eliminate "one fowl swoop" in "one fell swoop".

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Ian -- [noun]: A master of storytelling 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Are you looking for that perfect compliment to build someone's self-esteem? Look no further. The Surrealist Compliment Generator will spit out that just-right phrase each time you reload the page. Here are just a few of these gems:

• You wear your ears well, true to the testament of loose fitting flesh.
• Your face does bend even the most anorexic mirror into a sensuous playground of muscular spasms.
• Your dandruff falls like the fixtures within a scenic railway passing through a thousand bearded rainbows...
• Your presence reminds one of a blind jackal, eternally dependent upon misguided archbishops to provide instruction in bowling.
• Your eyelids reflect and refract the turgid limnations of an eel trapped in the flickering paralysis of Chaplin's cinematography.
• Your elbow patches rumble with a fear reminiscent of mayonnaise cradled in scotchguard.

Technorati Tags: Surrealism, Compliments, Humour, Fun

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 09:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Christine suggests #2 might be useful for parents of teens. I’m imagining a few grown-ups I’d like to expose that that model.

A few years ago, a friend who resides in Dubai came home one summer with an alarm clock designed to call Muslims to prayer. Rather than showing me the timepiece during the day, she set off the unique alarm at about 2 a.m. outside the window of the trailer in which I was camping.

“When it comes to alarm clocks, their job is to get you out of bed. Here are 10 alarm clocks that get you out of bed in a very annoying fashion.”

From: Uber-Review » Blog Archive » Top Ten Most Annoying Alarm Clocks

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I’ll need a double wide car to hold this plate.

They have plates for every state in the U.S. and every province in Canada.

Pretend you're in prison and make a license!

From: ACME License Maker

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 09:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

For my Canadian readers, (does Timmys in the U.S. hold the RUTRTW contest?) who may be experiencing difficulties with the mechanics of the contest, here are Tips On Rolling The Rim from the Tim Hortons’ web site.

How To Rrroll Up The Rim To Win®!

Here are several methods our customers use to roll up the rim:

• Use your hands to hold the cup firmly and use both thumbs to roll the tab up.
• Hold the cup with your dominant or writing hand and use the other hand to roll or vice versa.
• With both hands on the rim, pull on the sides of the cup and roll the rim with both thumbs.

Quick Facts

• For 20 years Tim Hortons customers have been rrrrolling up the rrrrim.
• Since 2001, Tim Hortons has given away 150 vehicles in the Roll Up The Rim To Win promotion.
• In 2005 all 30 vehicles were redeemed, showing how many customers roll up the rim.
• This year, you can substitute “Win A Donut” rims for any one donut, muffin or cookie, so try something new with your winning rim!
• This year you can substitute “Win A Coffee” rims for any size hot beverage, including:
• hot chocolate
• hot tea
• café mocha
• hot smoothee
• apple cider
• flavoured cappuccino

• The yellow arrow on the cup was first introduced to show customers where to roll up the rim. Now we have come to expect it, so follow the arrow to your winning rim!
• When you win a vehicle, you own it in Roll Up the Rim to Win. The vehicle is not leased and is yours to keep.
• The first Tim Hortons store opened in 1964 in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.
• The first Tim Hortons store in the United States opened in 1985 in Amherst, New York.
• There are currently over 290 stores in the United States located in the following states: Michigan, Maine, Connecticut, Ohio, West Virginia, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Massachusetts and New York.
• In addition to its legendary coffee, Tim Hortons offers a variety of other menu items, including: donuts, muffins, bagels, soup and chili, sandwiches, Iced Cappucino, yogurt and berries and Timbits.

Tim Hortons: Rrroll Up The Rim To Win!

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 09:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

BD’s identity is secret no longer. He’s the guy that controls the weather! Monday evening I posted this comment to his blog, requesting some of the snow fall Ontario received to be sent our way. Tuesday, this happened in Edmonton. Coincidence? I think not!

I’ll not be messing with someone this powerful.

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (1)

Automatic Flatterer (click the link and get your affirmation. )

Ian you are fabulous !!!
Ian you are fabulous !!!
Ian you are fabulous !!!
Ian you are fabulous !!!

... and we appreciate you for who you are.

Link from Liz at Successful Blog

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Astraware has published eight romantic sudoku puzzles - a gift for your loved one, or solve them together! Download the pdf, print and solve the following puzzles:

• On Valentine's Day
• Love blossoms
• A gift for your loved one
• A special ring
• Over a romantic candlelit dinner
• A close cuddle
• A goodnight kiss
• For a true love

Astraware: Valentine's Sudoku

Tags: Sudoku, Puzzles, Valentine's Day

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Posted by Ian McKenzie at 08:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (3)

Then, turn it into a t-shirt at Snap Shirts. The more frequently a word appears in your blog, the larger and bolder it will be in the cloud.

This is Ian’s Messy Word Cloud:

BLOGGERS

Link from Mirabilis.ca

Technorati Tags: Blogs, Blogging, Word Cloud, SnapShirt, Mirabilis.ca

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Since glomming onto sudoku puzzles back in September, I’ve been posting links, bookmarks, etc. to sites that give me more opportunities to play what has become my favourite puzzle. Here are links, gleaned over the past four months and compiled in one post. If there are others you would recommend, post them in the comments.

• Daily Sudoku - help, tips, techniques, free puzzles, and daily dose of Sudoku!
• AllSudoku.com: Sudoku Games and Tools for Beginner or Obsessed
• Sudoku solver – Microsoft Excel Template
• Sudoku Links
• The Pleasure of Sudoku
• Fiendish Sudoku
• Sudoku Puzzle Online - blubbie.com
• Get Sudoku In Your Email Inbox - Every Day!
• Welcome to PuzzlesByEmail.com!
• Astraware Sudoku for Palm OS®, Pocket PC and Windows Mobile Smartphone
• Web Sudoku - Billions of Free Sudoku Puzzles to Play Online
• Valentine's Sudoku
• SuDoku One 0.92 for Palm OS
• Sudoku Master
• Sudoku: Surfing the Net with Kids
• Sudoku Tips: Surfing the Net with Kids
• Sudoku Craving

Technorati Tags: Sudoku, Puzzles

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

If I was made from LEGO, this is how I would look.

Visit The Mini Mizer and “picture yourself in plastic.”

Technorati Tags: LEGO, Flash, Fun

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

A bit of flash fun. Design your own VW Van at BusSelecta.com – Bus Selecta.

Check out the other V-dub Selecta’s, as well.

Link from Cartoon Blog

Technorati Tags: Flash, Fun, Volkswagen, VW, Porsche, Bug

Posted by Ian McKenzie at 06:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If you have a few minutes* to kill, the Falling Sand Game will be an entertaining distraction.

*NB. The game has been known to change minutes to hours.

Link from BNUG

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You have just created...

Mystic Raspberry Jerky Ice Cream

Ice Cream Flavor Random Generator

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