Humour
10 Annoying Things to Do at Work
Posted in Friday Funny
Okay, you’ve annoyed them at Wal-Mart and in an elevator. Now it’s time to unleash your aggravating behaviour at work.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In.”
Put [...]
Musical Artists Who Belong Together
Posted in Friday Funny
Anita Baker and Humble Pie
Asleep at The Wheel and ZZ Top
Bad Company and Motley Crue
Blondie and Split Enz
Bob Dylan and Wheezer
Boston and Cream
Cracker and The Jam
Crash Test Dummies and Third Eye Blind
Cream and Puff Daddy
Dizzy Gilespie and Ten Times Fast
Donna Summer and Edgar Winter
Eddie Rabbit and Echo & the Bunnymen
Fine Young [...]
A Post Valentine’s Punny
Posted in Friday Funny
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?A hog and kisses!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?It was Valenswine’s Day!
What did the Valentines card say to the stamp?Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
What did the chocolate syrup say to [...]
What Not to Give for Valentine’s Day
Posted in Friday Funny
A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.
Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria’s Secret model.
Any clothing item with the words “push-up” or “slim-down” on the label.
Any food item with the words “diet”, [...]
13 Annoying Things to Do at Wal-Mart
Posted in Friday Funny
If you’ve run through the 22 Annoying Things to do in an Elevator, from a couple of weeks ago and are looking for new ways to entertain yourself, try these activities at Wal-Mart.
Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals
Make a trail of tomato juice on [...]
Top 10 Lies You Hear All the Time
Posted in Friday Funny
We’ll stay only five minutes.
This will be a short meeting.
I’ll respect you in the morning.
The check is in the mail.
I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Your money will be cheerfully refunded.
We service what we sell.
Your table will be ready in just a [...]
22 Annoying Things to do in an Elevator
Posted in Friday Funny
Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?”
Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.
Greet everyone with a [...]
Definitions that Got Missed in the Dictionary
Posted in Friday Funny
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Gargoyle [...]
Top Ten Reasons to Celebrate Old Christmas Day
Posted in Friday Funny
10. Two more weeks to get your Christmas cards mailed.
9. The fruitcake from Great-Aunt Bertha has 12 more days to petrify.
8. Chances for a “White Christmas” are better in January.
7. You have room to pig out again a few days after all the other parties are over.
6. Airports are less-crowded.
5. You don’t [...]
10 New Year’s Resolutions You Are Guaranteed to Keep
Posted in Friday Funny
If you find it difficult keeping the resolutions you make at the start of the year, perhaps you’re taking the wrong approach. I think you will find the following 10 resolutions virtually impossible to break.
This year, I resolve to…
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising.
Read less.
Watch more TV.
Procrastinate more.
Stop bringing lunch from [...]
