Humour
10 Things My Mother Taught Me
Posted in Friday Funny
This is one of those old list jokes that predates the Internet, e-mail and office fax machines. It keeps hanging on. So, in honour of Mother’s Day:
My Mother taught me LOGIC…
“If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
My Mother taught me MEDICINE…
“If [...]
10 Affirmations for the Permanently Crabby
Posted in Friday Funny
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
I honour my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
I am grateful that I am not [...]
Quotes on Baldness
Posted in Friday Funny
From Ian’s bald head:
Better a bald head than no head at all. —Seamus MacManus
For lack of a better term, they’ve labelled me a sex symbol. It’s flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy. —Dennis Franz
I love bald men. Just because you’ve lost your fuzz, don’t mean you ain’t a [...]
Extreme Designer Dogs
Posted in Friday Funny
I was in a bookstore the other day and saw the book, Complete Idiots Guide Designer Dogs. I have to admit, I didn’t realize it was possible to design your own dog. My dog is a Black Lab, Border Collie cross. I didn’t design him, he just came that way.
Mikey’s Funnies had [...]
Rules for the Office Employee Handbook
Posted in Friday Funny
Variations on this piece has been around as long as there have joke lists on the Internet. I imagine the original source of this joke have been lost in the mists of Internet time.
DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you [...]
10 “Practical” Anti-Crime Slogans
Take a Bite out of Crime. It tastes like Chicken.
Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it.
Thank you for pot smoking.
Fight Crime. Shoot back!
I say “no” to drugs but they just won’t listen!
Don’t lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
Only users lose drugs
Drugs are for those who can’t handle reality. Reality is [...]
14 Old Testament Ways to Get a Wife
Forget eHarmony or any other on-line matchmaking service. If you need some tips on finding a wife, maybe these examples from the Old Testament will help.
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find a prostitute [...]
Cat Quotes
Posted in Friday Funny
After last week’s collection of dog quotes, my daughter—a cat person—felt felines deserved equal time.
Beware of people who dislike cats. —Irish Proverb
Any member introducing a dog into the Society’s premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat. [...]
Dog Quotes
Posted in Friday Funny
“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” —Gene Hill
“In dog years, I’m dead.” —Unknown
“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.” —Dave Barry
“Outside of a dog, [...]
10 Annoying Things to Do at Work
Posted in Friday Funny
Okay, you’ve annoyed them at Wal-Mart and in an elevator. Now it’s time to unleash your aggravating behaviour at work.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In.”
Put [...]
