Ian's Messy Desk » Fun

Create a Photo Collage of Your Facebook Friends

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:58:16 +0000

Step 1: Login into your Facebook account and click the Friends tab.

Step 2: Select the drop-down box and click the list separator (–) in that drop down that’s also highlighted in the screenshot below.

Click here for illustrated instructions>>India Inc. Create a Photo Collage Using Pictures of Your Facebook Friends.

Link from Lifehacker

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

2007 World Rock Paper Scissors Championship

Ian McKenzie — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 15:46:08 +0000

Phil Gerbyshak’s post at Slacker Manager reminds me that it is time for the world championships of the ultimate tool for building consensus: Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS). This is no fly-by-night event. It has been around for several years and this year, the prize purse totals $10,000.

No less an authority than Rolling Stone magazine had this to say,

“The RPS Championship is like a high-stakes Star Trek convention, but with binge drinking and better-looking women.”

If you’re looking to improve your RPS skills you can check out these sections of the World RPS Society web site:

Who knows? A few hours at these links and you could become a power-house decision maker for your employer.

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

Excuse Me, Your Participle Is Dangling…

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 15:09:12 +0000

The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5′ 10″, with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.

Tags: grammar, jokes

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

Personal Development from a Dog’s Perspective

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:09:32 +0000

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats’ food–before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
“Kitty box crunchies”–although they are tasty–are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom’s underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad’s laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for mom’s driver’s license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
I will not use “roll around in the dirt” as an option just after getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and just because the water is blue, it doesn’t mean it is cleaner.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

Photo Credit: Richard Dudley

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

Pearls of wisdom from my email subscriptions

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 14:04:41 +0000

If you subscribe to enough e-mail jokes lists, you will soon learn everything there is to know. Here are some of the personal affirmations I have picked up along the way. Enjoy!

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, sky diving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt… then things get worse.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

Some of Life’s Little Aggravations

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 12:47:47 +0000

No matter how much effort you put in to planning; no matter that your attitude is always positive; no matter how together you think you are, there are going to be little things that will drive you round the bend.

Trying on sunglasses with the tag still attached to the bridge.
The person behind you in the supermarket who keeps running their cart into the back of your ankle.
The way everyone drives slower when you’re in a hurry.
The way everyone drives right on your bumper when you slow down to look for an address.
You open a can of… and the lid falls in to it.
Finding out you stepped in dog poop … AFTER you’ve walked across your carpet.
Drinking from a soda can you thought was yours only to discover someone had extinguished their cigarette in it.
Slicing your tongue licking an envelope.
The tire gauge that lets out half the air in your tire while you’re trying to get a reading.
Televisions or radios that come in brilliantly while you tune them then fade to snow and static as you walk away.
Realizing you never washed that bright red shirt by itself before … after everything else in the load comes out pink.
Setting your alarm clock for p.m. instead of a.m.
A fantastic song on the radio and the DJ doesn’t tell you who it is.
Having to say to five different salespeople, “No thanks, I’m just looking.”
You reach under a table to pick something up and whack your head coming back up.
The candy bar or bag of chips that gets stuck on the rotating clip in a vending machine.

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

You Know You’ve Been out of College a Long Time When

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 18:02:06 +0000

Your potted plants stay alive.
6 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favourite song on the elevator at work.
You carry an umbrella.
You watch the Weather Channel.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
You’re the one calling the police because those darn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, Diet Pepsi, and Ho-Ho’s.
Over 90 percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

17 steps to building a camp fire

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 14:18:21 +0000

The evenings are starting to get cool up here in Edmonton. It’s getting to be a good time to sit around a fire pit with friends and family. There’s a fine art to building a fire. Like any other project, if you have your next actions organized, you’ll have a flame in no time.

Here are the steps to building a fire:

1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

2. Bandage left thumb.

3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments

4. Bandage left foot.

5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)

6. Light Match

7. Light Match

8. Repeat “a Scout is cheerful” and light match.

9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.

10. Apply burn ointment to nose.

11. Once fire is burning, collect more wood.

12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labelled “kerosene.”

13. Light match

14. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.

15. Re-label can to read “gasoline.”

16. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

17. When the rain has passed, repeat steps.

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

Special Projects Idea Generator

Ian McKenzie — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 12:16:06 +0000

Are you looking for the next big idea that sets the Internet buzzing and makes you a boat-load of money? Have you run into idea block? Free your mind with the Special Projects Idea Generator from The Directors Bureau.

Click on the twisty arrows in the centre and the three word wheels spin. When they stop, you have your idea. If you don’t like the idea, click again. If the concept needs a little tweaking, click the arrows above and below each word.

Who knows, you might build the first transparent levitating exercise machine.

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!

Facebook fun with Google

Ian McKenzie — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 14:55:04 +0000

I don’t know about you, but I get a little tired of the inflexible “Ian is” format of my Facebook status updates. I’d much rather see something along the lines of Twitter, where I could put a short message any way I wanted; within the limits of a certain number of characters.

In the meantime, I’ve decided to have a little fun with my Facebook status, with some help from Google. I enter “Ian is”, with quotation marks, as a search in Google. Then I dig through the results to find something that strikes me as quirky, odd or funny to use as my status message.

For example, my current status, “Ian is intolerant to wild oats which reduce the quality of the pigs’ barley,” comes from this article.

Tags: Facebook, Google

Recommended: The Zen Habits Handbook for Life!