A Scriptural Guide to Eating

• Don’t eat at cheap restaurants – Isaiah 28:8 – For all tables are full of vomit and filth; no place is clean.
• Don’t eat calamari – Deuteronomy 14:3 – You shall not eat any detestable thing.
• Real Christians don’t eat sushi – Job 6:7 – My soul refuses to touch them; They are as loathsome food to me.
• The best way to eat oysters – Proverbs 1:12 – Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, and whole, like those who go down to the Pit.
• “Pigs in a blanket” are fine for eating – Ezekiel 3:1 – Moreover He said to me, “Son of man, eat what you find; eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel.”
• Don’t drink milk, it will stunt your growth – Hebrews 5:13 – For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe.
• Don’t drink only water – 1 Timothy 5:23 – No longer drink only water, but use a little wine for your stomach’s sake and your frequent infirmities.
• Don’t expect everyone to share your taste in food and be careful when exchanging recipes – 2 Kings 18:27 – …”Has my master sent me to your master and to you to speak these words, and not to the men who sit on the wall, who will eat and drink their own waste with you?”
• Smorgasbords are the best way to serve food and drink. – Revelation 7:16 “They shall neither hunger anymore nor thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any heat;”
• Finally, always keep Rolaids on hand – Jeremiah 4:19 – O my soul, my soul! I am pained in my very heart! My heart makes a noise in me; I cannot hold my peace, Because you have heard, O my soul, The sound of the trumpet, The alarm of war.

From Mikey’s Funnies

[tags]humour, jokes, food, eating, Bible[/tags]