Prayer is the hardest thing. And no one congratulates you for doing it because no one knows you're doing it, and if things turn out well they likely won't thank God in any case. But I have a feeling that the hardest thing is what we all better be doing now, and that it's not only the best answer but the only one.
If the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical "Cats" really wanted to portray the true essence of cats:
Audience members would enter the auditorium only to find their seats had been clawed and covered with fur.
The antagonist in the show would be a giant vacuum cleaner.
Sometimes the cast would perform, but sometimes not -- depending on their mood.
Performers would leap off the stage and run up the aisles at the recorded sound of a can opener in the lobby.
When certain audience members opened their playbills, a cast member would attempt to lay down on it.
In the middle of a performance various cast members would curl up and go to sleep, even in the middle of a song.
For no apparent reason, cast members would randomly run to the lobby, and then back to the stage at top speed. They would then continue as if nothing had happened.
An audience member would find a headless bird in their seat after the intermission.
Snack bar employees would constantly be reprimanding cast members for walking on the counter.
Part of the performance would include the cast climbing and shredding the theatre curtains.
The stage would be stained from someone coughing up a hairball and then eating it.
Performers would find sand in the lobby ashtrays and -- well, we don't have to draw a picture here, do we?
The show would need to be stopped several times to allow cast members to "bathe" themselves.
Most of the final act would consist of the cast just staring at the audience.
The big finale would feature a giant ball of yarn, feathers on a pole, and stray strands of dental floss.
Theatre patrons waiting outside the stage door after performances would get their legs rubbed, if they were lucky.
Friday, April 12, 2002
