Translating “Guy-Speak”

“I’m going fishing.”
Really means … “I’m going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“Woman driver.”
Really means … “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.”

“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means. … “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“Have you lost weight?’
Really means … “I’ve just spent our last $130 on a cordless drill.”

“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means … “I have no idea how it works.”

“I got a lot done.”
Really means … “I found ‘Waldo’ in almost every picture.”

“We’re going to be late.”
Really means … “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
Really means … “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”
Really means … “I forgot our anniversary again.”

“You know how bad my memory is.”
Really means … “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’ and the Vehicle Identification Numbers on every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“Hey I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”
Really means … “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I can’t find it.”
Really means … “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“What did I do this time?’
Really means … “What did you catch me at?”

“I don’t need to read the instructions.”
Really means … “I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help.”

“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.”
Really means … “No one will ever see us alive again.”

[tags]jokes, humour, communication, relationships[/tags]