Pearls of wisdom from my email subscriptions
If you subscribe to enough e-mail jokes lists, you will soon learn everything there is to know. Here are some of the personal affirmations I have picked up along the way. Enjoy!
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
- Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don’t succeed, sky diving is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt… then things get worse.
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
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