7 steps to managing conflict
Posted in Communication Tuesday
Several years ago, when I first started my current job, I had a conflict with one of the employees. By the strict interpretation of our policies, I was right in my actions, but I managed it very poorly. Shortly after that, the other employee resigned. It was a lack of experience on my part. I was more interested in being right than resolving the conflict.
One of the harsh realities you learn early in life is, there is going to be conflict. Not everyone will agree with you all the time, or even some of the time. To be successful in life, you need to be able to manage conflict.
I’m not so glib as to expect there is some magic “7–step” solution that will automatically eliminate all your conflicts. There are areas of disagreement –say personal beliefs– that may never be resolved. You may have past actions that have deeply affected your life which could require a therapeutic approach to resolve.
However, much of the conflict you face day to day can be managed with deliberate and clear communication. If you find conflict is getting in the way of your accomplishing something that needs to get done, try these steps:
- Explain the situation as you see it – Invariably, conflict is about perception and understanding. Start by telling the other party your understanding of the situation.
- Describe how it is affecting performance – Tell them how this conflict affects what need to be accomplished.
- Ask for the other viewpoint to be explained – Now –and this can be the difficult part– let the other party explain their point of view.
You may find that these first three steps provide enough clarity to resolve the conflict. If not, move on the the next four steps.
- Agree on the problem – Reach some agreement on the problem. You need a common understanding to develop a workable solution.
- Explore and discuss possible solutions – Work together to develop a solution to the conflict. Both parties will stick with a solution that they have each had a role in developing.
- Agree on what each person will do to solve the problem – Make sure you walk away from the session with a clear understanding of which party is responsible for what action.
- Set a date for follow up – Don’t leave it hanging. Get together to make sure things are on track. If the conflict is of a complex nature, you may need several follow-up milestones.
In the case of individuals in conflict, this process can work one-on-one. In more complex conflicts, or where groups of people are involved, a third-party facilitator might be needed.
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These are all great tips! As a matter of fact, conflict is also to be expected in your very personal relationships too. Research has shown that within 15 minutes it can be predicted which couples will survive based on how they manage conflict. I offer a free teleseminar, “The 7 Tools to Manage Communication Conflict.” To hear it, go to: http://choicerelationships.com/teleseminar_resources