39 Phrases Everyone Should Know and Use
Posted in Communication
I had to pick up a couple of parcels at Greyhound this afternoon. As I walked through the door, I heard a customer berating an agent in loud and abusive terms. The customer had expected something to be there for pick-up and it wasn’t.
The more the customer screamed and threatened (and it was screaming), the more agitated the agent became. The confrontation resembled a playground fight between two children, not a business transaction.
I felt sorry for the agent. Her manager was sitting in an office behind the service area, aware of what was going on, but not intervening. I wanted to give the manager a boot and say, go out there and support your staff.
The agent also seemed ill-equipped to deal with the situation. If she had any training in dealing with angry customers, it wasn’t apparent from her actions.
A dozen or so years ago, I attend a workshop on interpersonal communication skills. One of the “tools” handed out was this sheet of phrases that could be used to communicate in different types of situations.
I’m not suggesting—as the workshop presenter did—that memorizing a sheet of phrases is going to solve all your communication issues. I can’t imagine the Greyhound agent would have been well served by having this list taped to her station, along with a communication flow chart.
Interpersonal communication is too complex to be bound merely by fixed rules. However, effective interpersonal communication skills need to be learned and developed.
Any complex skill needs a foundation on which to build. This list of phrases can serve as such a foundation. Look at areas which are weaker communication skills for you and then look at the kinds of phrases you need to add to your lexicon.
Always appropriate
- Please
- Thank you
- You’re welcome
Reaching out to people
- Hi, I’m… What’s your name?
- Excuse me, I see you every day in the hall and I want to introduce myself. I’m…
- I understand how you feel.
- I would feel that way too in your situation.
- I can see this matter is very important to you.
- This is what I hear you saying.
- Tell me more about it.
Cooperating and compromising in a conflict
- I gather you don’t agree. What’s the reason for your objection?
- Why won’t this work?
- I have a problem I’d like to discuss with you.
- Let’s talk this over. When is a good time for you?
- Let’s see how we can reach our mutual goal.
- It’s in our common interest to reach an agreement.
- How can I help you meet your needs?
Giving and receiving criticism
- It’s important for our relationship that I tell you about an issue that is making it hard for me to work with you.
- I’m not blaming you for my feelings. I’m just describing how I feel.
- I’m not attacking you as a person; I want to focus on your behaviour that is preventing you from moving ahead.
- That never occurred to me, but I’ll give it some thought.
- I’ll consider that and get back to you.
- Let me think over what you said and then discuss a different approach.
Acknowledging errors and mistakes
- I’m sorry.
- I was wrong.
- I accept responsibility.
- Yes, it happened and it was a mistake.
- I don’t have an excuse. I have an explanation if you want to hear it.
- You have a right to feel the way you do.
- Here’s what I learned from the situation and what I’ll do differently in the future.
- We know what the problem is. Let’s focus on solutions.
- How would you like the problem resolved?
- What do you think a fair solution would be?
- Here’s what we can do to correct the problem.
Gossip and rumours
- I understand you have been saying…
- Do you really mean what I hear you’ve been saying?
- I’ve heard that, but it’s just a rumour.
- If it’s not true, it won’t be said anymore, will it?
- This may be an isolated incident, but I’m going to conduct my relationship with you quite differently from now on.
9 Ways to Keep Your Attitude at Its Peak
Posted in Motivation
Attitude is a mind-set, and a successful attitude is all in your head. To a large extent, it’s determined by your thoughts. If these thoughts are positive and directed to the future, they’ll help you achieve your objectives.
If, on the other hand, they are negative and mired in the past, they’ll sap your energy and stall your growth and development. Lurking in the back of your mind, they can sometimes be behind problems like procrastination, low self-confidence, poor time management, and a general lack of direction.
- Focus only on what you can control—yourself. Take responsibility for your problems. If you blame others, it will rob you of control over your own life.
- Turn negative situations into favourable ones by making a list of all the positive aspects of what might seem to be adversity.
- Don’t apologize for your ideas (”This may not be a great idea, but…”) Get use to stating your proposals and opinions assertively and boldly. (”I can find a way to do that.”)
- Take a few minutes to picture what it would be like if you achieved all your goals. How will you feel? Where will you be? What will you be doing? How will you solve your problems? Let that vision guide your actions and your thoughts. Act like the person in that picture.
- Identify and deal with one negative habit at a time. With daily effort, it takes from two to four weeks to develop new positive thought habits.
- Be your own leader. Know who you are, where you’re going, and what you want. Trust yourself and be confident about your informed decisions.
- Devote fifteen or twenty minutes each evening in reviewing the day’s events. What did you do well? What might you have done differently? What can you change tomorrow?
- Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and so will you. Learn from them. Never dwell on past mistakes; that creates a negative self-image.
- Surround yourself with people who are positive and up-beat, are supportive of your career goals, and have the characteristics you want to develop.
Quotes - May 12
“We become what we think about.” —Denis Waitley
“Doubt is most often the source of our powerlessness. To doubt is to be faithless, to be without hope or belief. When we doubt, our self-talk sound like this: ‘I don’t think I can. I don’t think I will.’ …To doubt is to have faith in the worst possible outcome. It is to believe in the perverseness of the universe, that even if I do well, something I don’t know about will get in the way, sabotage me, or get me in the end.” —Blaine Lee
“To build your confidence, repeat over and over, ‘I feel happy! I feel healthy! I feel terrific!’” —Brian Tracy
“If your sunshine wants far outstrip your cold morning desire, have a talk with yourself. Then have a lot more talks with yourself. Convince number one that you can succeed—and you will succeed. If you don’t believe in you, why should anyone else?” —Tom Hopkins
Happy Mother’s Day
Image credit KaCey97007
10 Things My Mother Taught Me
Posted in Friday Funny
This is one of those old list jokes that predates the Internet, e-mail and office fax machines. It keeps hanging on. So, in honour of Mother’s Day:
My Mother taught me LOGIC…
“If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
My Mother taught me MEDICINE…
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD…
“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE…
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you… Don’t talk back to me!”
My Mother taught me HUMOR…
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
My Mother [...] Continue Reading…
The Four Laws of Simplicity
Leo starts his article with the quote from Leonardo da Vinci, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” He then makes the point that most systems for simplifying tend be be complicated. He has a simple method of simplifying, The Four Laws of Simplicity, and How to Apply Them to Life.His four laws of simplicity:Collect everything in one place.Choose the essential.Eliminate the rest.Organize the remaining stuff neatly and nicely.You can’t get much simpler than that.There’s been a lot of verbiage written on organizing and simplifying-not the least of which, is here on Ian’s Messy Desk. If you tend to get bogged down in complex systems, click the link above and see what Leo has to offer.
ScribeFire 2.1 Released
The ScribeFire blogging client has been sitting dormant in my Firefox add-ons. It’s a long time since I gave it a try. About a week ago it was upgraded to version 2.1. As I have been poking around with Tumblr for the last little while, I was interested to see Tumblr support as a new feature.If you’re looking for a blogging client that integrates well with Firefox (and Flock) check out ScribeFire. You can download it from here.ScribeFire - ScribeFire: Fire up your blogging New features * Added MySpace support. (issue #33) * Added Tumblr support. * Categories will now be available for Blogger blogs (issue #201) * Entering a YouTube [...] Continue Reading…
Build Stronger Intergenerational Connections
Posted in The Simple Life
Grow old along with me!
The Best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith ‘A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all nor be afraid.’ —Robert Browning
There are few places today where people of different ages interact. With the demise of the extended family, the segregation between generations has gotten worse. As a result, younger generations don’t receive direction and advice from their elders.
Heritage, stories and wisdom are not passed on. It’s no longer possible for every family to care for aging parents or grandparents at home. However, much can be done to bridge the gap and bring generations together.
To build stronger, healthier and happier communities, [...] Continue Reading…
Wait Until Email is a Day Old Before Replying
Alfredo Cramerotti has a good idea for managing e-mail,
Reply only to yesterday’s e-mails.
Set an ‘_action’ folder in your inbox; put them all the email you receive during today’s work, and don’t reply to any of them. Deal only with one day (yesterday) bunch of e-mails, and it becomes manageable, because it’s limited, and you know in advance it’s limited.
One of the hazards of e-mail communication is, people tend to think of it as an instant medium. There are those in my office who send me an e-mail message and, if I haven’t responded within ten minutes, walk the few steps from their office to ask if I received the message.
There is rarely anything sufficiently critical to require instant turnaround-time for messages. If it’s that [...] Continue Reading…
10 Time-Management Problem Areas
Posted in Productivity
Lack of priorities/objectives. This is the biggest waster of time. You need to know what is important in moving your towards your goals. Those who accomplish the most know exactly where they are going. Too many of us think goal setting is a yearly function and not a daily consideration. This results in time spent on minor things and not on things which are important to our success. Learn to set effective goals.
Shifting priorities and crisis management. Management guru Peter Drucker said, “crisis management is actually the form of management preferred by most managers” The irony is, taking action before the crisis might have prevented the problem in the first place. Eliminate “management by crisis.”
The telephone. Have you ever had one of [...] Continue Reading…
